According to the Census Beareau (quote taken from http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html),

“About 50% of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in
divorce, and between 44 and 52% of women’s first marriages
may end in divorce for these age groups. The likelihood of a divorce
is lowest for men and women age 60, for whom 36 % of men
and 32 percent of women may divorce from their first marriage by
the end of their lives. “

I couldn’t believe it.  About 50% of first marriages end up in a divorce.  Am I reading that correctly?  Anyone married can tell you that dating and marriage are two totally different things.  Anyone married for a long period of time can also tell you that it takes a lot of effort to keep a marriage healthy. 

Recently, I just heard that my good friend is getting divorce.  First marriage.   Married for only 5 years.  And they both are under 30 years old.  Yes, they contributes to the 50% statistic.  The biggest thing that he said was communication.  They kept things bottled up inside.  His claim was:  “I didn’t want to hurt her because I love her so much.  So I just kept it to myself.” 

That strategy may work out for a few years, but in the long run, it’s going to eat you alive.  All the problems and issues they had finally surfaced and it was too late to change certain things.  In listening to him, it seems as if the underlying problem between them was communication.  Whether it was miscommunication, misunderstanding, or lack of communication. 

Had they discussed how their lives would be as a married couple before they got married, then perhaps they wouldn’t be talking about getting a divorce right now. 

Having that said, take a few minutes to sit with your partner and ask each other these questions.  Give the questions some thought before answering.  If there are any conflicts, be sure you work them out so that there is an understanding of what is to be expected when you do get married.   We really don’t need that 50% divorce rate any higher than it already is.

1. Will you have individual or joint bank accounts?
2. Where will you live?
3. Will you be renting an apartment or buying a house?  If buying, when are you buying?
4. Who will be in charge of the finances (ie, paying bills and other expenses)?
5. How will our careers affect our relationship?
6. What if one of us had a career opportunity that requires us to move to a new city or country?
7. How important is money to our relationship and marriage?
8. What is your definition of financial security?
9. How much is enough for our “rainy day” fund?
10. Will we invest our savings?
11. How much of our income will we save or invest?
12. Who will go shopping for food, one of us or both of us?
13. Will we have a “special night” for just us two?  Once a week, once a month?
14. Will we be eating out or cooking most of the time?
15. Who will be responsible for cooking and other house chores?
16. What are our individual goals and objectives related to our careers?
17. When do we want to retire, with how much money, and how will we spend our time after retirement?
18. How often do you like to go out with your friends alone?
19. How often will we go out with our friends together?
20. What do you like and dislike about me?
21. Can you deal with what you dislike about me?
22. What do you like and dislike about my family?
23. How will we share time with uor families during the holidays?
24. Define good sex and what a good sexual relationship means.
25. How often do we each expect to have sex?
26. Have if we’re not not ready for sex?
27. How do we deal with each other’s sexual expectations and needs?
28. Is sex important to us in this relationship and how or why?
29. What if one of us doesn’t want to have sex, how will we deal with that?
30. How do you like to be touched?  What do you like and don’t like?
31. Describe your idea of the ultimate sexual experience - is it romantic, is it spontaneous?
32. Will we have children?
33. When and how many children?
34. If one of us already had children, how do you expect the other ot act or treat the other’s children?
35. Will they call you “Mom” or “Dad?”
36. What will happen if we can’t have children together?  Will we adopt?
37. What if one of us is not ready for children?
38. How will children affect our relationship and the time we spend together?
39. Who will wake up at 3 am when the baby cries?
40. Will one of us stay at home to take care of the baby?  Or will we hire a nanny?
41. What will our parents expect from us once the baby is born?  How much time will they expect to spend with the children?
42. If one of us was previously married, how does the other spouse feel about the ex?
43. If one of us had children from a previous marriage, how will the spouse feel about the children and ex being together?
44. How will the ex affect our relationship?
45. Will we go on vacation together?  How often and where and when?
46. Will we be going on vacation with just us, as a family, with friends, with other family members?
47. What if an old boyfriend/girlfriend calls?  What if we bumped into them while being out?  How would you react and how would you feel?
48. When we have an argument/fight, how will we handle it? 
49. Would you consider marriage counseling if we were having trouble?
50. How do you feel about pre-nuputal agreements?  Do you expect to get one?

Although there are much more questions you need to ask and work out, you can start with these.  Ask your partner and you may be surprised at what answers you might get!

Good luck!