Traditionally, bridal showers have been a way for women in the community to help a young girl who was about to get married by giving her gifts she would need to set up housekeeping and advice about being a married woman.  Today, however, that tradition has evolved into more of an opportunity for people to get together and celebrate the bride’s upcoming wedding, and it takes lots of different forms.  So, if you are someone who is getting married for the second time or more, or have been living together with your fiance, or doesn’t want to have a ladies-only gathering, or for any reason don’t fit the traditional mold of “young girl, starting out, setting up house” – NEVER FEAR!  You can still have a great bridal shower, and it can be one that fits your situation and personality perfectly.

GAMES – One of the traditional components of bridal showers is games.  We are all familiar with the old “Toilet Paper Bride.”  But if that’s not your taste, there are lots of other games that can be a great time!  For instance, “Bridal Charades” or “Bridal Pictionary” where the clue cards have been written ahead of time according to a wedding theme.  Also, you could ask the groom a list of questions about himself prior to the shower and then have the bride answer them.  Guests write down on scraps of paper beforehand what they predict the bride’s score will be, and the guest with the closest estimate wins a prize.

ARTS AND CRAFTS – This is a great activity that actually leaves the bride with a special memento of her shower.  You can supply papers, pens, photos, paints – anything you think might inspire creativity – and ask guests to make a scrapbook page for the bride.  You can even have a suggested theme, such as their favorite memory of the bride, or marital advice, or their wishes for the happy couple.  At the end of the shower, the maid of honor (or the hostess, if those are two different people) will bind the pages together into a scrapbook and present them to the bride.

LINGERIE SHOWER – For brides who already have all their household needs (kitchen supplies, linens, etc) addressed, this can be a fun and sexy alternative to a traditional bridal shower.  Guests all bring gifts of lingerie to the new bride.  If the bride is particularly daring, there can even be a fashion show as the gifts are opened.

Co-Ed SHOWERS – If you want to move entirely away from the traditional model of the “ladies only” shower, a popular new option is just to host a co-ed party where both the bride and the groom are in attendance.  In some cases, the format of the party sticks relatively close to the traditional “shower” theme – with games, gifts, etc – but in many cases, it is more of an informal party, with appetizers, drinks, and mingling being the main entertainments.

Bridal showers can be a fun and memorable way to prepare for the big day, and they don’t need to follow the traditional mold.  They just need to make you happy!

According to the Census Beareau (quote taken from http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html),

“About 50% of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in
divorce, and between 44 and 52% of women’s first marriages
may end in divorce for these age groups. The likelihood of a divorce
is lowest for men and women age 60, for whom 36 % of men
and 32 percent of women may divorce from their first marriage by
the end of their lives. “

I couldn’t believe it.  About 50% of first marriages end up in a divorce.  Am I reading that correctly?  Anyone married can tell you that dating and marriage are two totally different things.  Anyone married for a long period of time can also tell you that it takes a lot of effort to keep a marriage healthy. 

Recently, I just heard that my good friend is getting divorce.  First marriage.   Married for only 5 years.  And they both are under 30 years old.  Yes, they contributes to the 50% statistic.  The biggest thing that he said was communication.  They kept things bottled up inside.  His claim was:  “I didn’t want to hurt her because I love her so much.  So I just kept it to myself.” 

That strategy may work out for a few years, but in the long run, it’s going to eat you alive.  All the problems and issues they had finally surfaced and it was too late to change certain things.  In listening to him, it seems as if the underlying problem between them was communication.  Whether it was miscommunication, misunderstanding, or lack of communication. 

Had they discussed how their lives would be as a married couple before they got married, then perhaps they wouldn’t be talking about getting a divorce right now. 

Having that said, take a few minutes to sit with your partner and ask each other these questions.  Give the questions some thought before answering.  If there are any conflicts, be sure you work them out so that there is an understanding of what is to be expected when you do get married.   We really don’t need that 50% divorce rate any higher than it already is.

1. Will you have individual or joint bank accounts?
2. Where will you live?
3. Will you be renting an apartment or buying a house?  If buying, when are you buying?
4. Who will be in charge of the finances (ie, paying bills and other expenses)?
5. How will our careers affect our relationship?
6. What if one of us had a career opportunity that requires us to move to a new city or country?
7. How important is money to our relationship and marriage?
8. What is your definition of financial security?
9. How much is enough for our “rainy day” fund?
10. Will we invest our savings?
11. How much of our income will we save or invest?
12. Who will go shopping for food, one of us or both of us?
13. Will we have a “special night” for just us two?  Once a week, once a month?
14. Will we be eating out or cooking most of the time?
15. Who will be responsible for cooking and other house chores?
16. What are our individual goals and objectives related to our careers?
17. When do we want to retire, with how much money, and how will we spend our time after retirement?
18. How often do you like to go out with your friends alone?
19. How often will we go out with our friends together?
20. What do you like and dislike about me?
21. Can you deal with what you dislike about me?
22. What do you like and dislike about my family?
23. How will we share time with uor families during the holidays?
24. Define good sex and what a good sexual relationship means.
25. How often do we each expect to have sex?
26. Have if we’re not not ready for sex?
27. How do we deal with each other’s sexual expectations and needs?
28. Is sex important to us in this relationship and how or why?
29. What if one of us doesn’t want to have sex, how will we deal with that?
30. How do you like to be touched?  What do you like and don’t like?
31. Describe your idea of the ultimate sexual experience - is it romantic, is it spontaneous?
32. Will we have children?
33. When and how many children?
34. If one of us already had children, how do you expect the other ot act or treat the other’s children?
35. Will they call you “Mom” or “Dad?”
36. What will happen if we can’t have children together?  Will we adopt?
37. What if one of us is not ready for children?
38. How will children affect our relationship and the time we spend together?
39. Who will wake up at 3 am when the baby cries?
40. Will one of us stay at home to take care of the baby?  Or will we hire a nanny?
41. What will our parents expect from us once the baby is born?  How much time will they expect to spend with the children?
42. If one of us was previously married, how does the other spouse feel about the ex?
43. If one of us had children from a previous marriage, how will the spouse feel about the children and ex being together?
44. How will the ex affect our relationship?
45. Will we go on vacation together?  How often and where and when?
46. Will we be going on vacation with just us, as a family, with friends, with other family members?
47. What if an old boyfriend/girlfriend calls?  What if we bumped into them while being out?  How would you react and how would you feel?
48. When we have an argument/fight, how will we handle it? 
49. Would you consider marriage counseling if we were having trouble?
50. How do you feel about pre-nuputal agreements?  Do you expect to get one?

Although there are much more questions you need to ask and work out, you can start with these.  Ask your partner and you may be surprised at what answers you might get!

Good luck!

Above all else, you want your honeymoon to be a romantic retreat where you and your beloved can relax, spend time together, and have a magical beginning to your new life.  Here are some tips to keep in mind that will make your honeymoon the magical haven that you’ve dreamed of.

RESORTS THAT CATERS TO HONEYMOONS – When booking a resort, you want to make sure that the staff and the physical setup of the resort are conducive to privacy and intimacy.  A regular hotel or a bed and breakfast might not be.  In addition to researching online, call the resort and speak to the staff.  Ask lots of questions.  Outline to them exactly what you are looking for and make sure that they are in a position to provide it.

ROMANTIC ACTIVITIES – Don’t give in to the temptation to stay in the room the entire time!  Plan excursions that will heighten the romance and intimacy of the trip.  Example can include, a snorkeling excursion for two, a private horseback riding trip, a beautiful hike and picnic in natural surroundings, or an intimate trip to a secluded beach.

ROOM SERVICE – This may seem like a simple thing that every place would offer, but smaller establishments might not.  Believe me, you don’t want your hunger to force you to get dressed and leave the room when you don’t really want to.  You want yourself and your new spouse to be in charge of the schedule, not your hunger!

PROTECT YOUR BODY – Nothing can ruin the romantic vibe of a honeymoon quicker than the worst sunburn you’ve ever had, getting stung by a jellyfish, a horrible hangover, blisters from brand new shoes, or any number of other things that can befall you when you’re on vacation.  Protect the romance by protecting yourself.

LINGERIE – Even if sexy lingerie is not generally your thing, make an exception for the honeymoon!  It’s a special occasion, and your new hubby will appreciate the effort.  Trust me.

PACK CANDLES – Candles are an amazing mood-setter. Tealights are fantastic because they come in bulk bags of one hundred and you don’t need separate holders for each one, you can set them around in the little tin holders they come in, and they’ll be fine.  If you want a more decorative look, you can arrange flowers or river rocks that you get at the honeymoon location around the tealights.

RECORD YOUR MEMORIES – Take pictures, and not only of the naughty variety.  Keep a journal and make sure that you bring home mementos and souvenirs.  Remember, even though all you may be thinking about right now is basking in your honey’s arms, and that seems like all that matters, this is one of the most special times of your life.  Ten years from now, you are going to want to have more to commemorate it than just the memories in your head.

Your honeymoon should be the most romantic time of your life, and it easily can be.  Use these tips to your advantage and you will enjoy the most perfect honeymoon possible.

Fiji.  Jamaica.  Hawaii.  What do all of these spots have in common, besides being great honeymoon spots?  They’re all great destination wedding spots as well!

It used to be that destination weddings were thought to be extravagances that were affordable only by very few.  In the past ten years destination weddings have increasingly gained in popularity and acceptance, and now are a viable option for many couples.

So, what are destination weddings, first of all?  A destination wedding is a wedding that takes place in an exotic location, sometimes with only the couple present and sometimes with attendees ranging from immediate family on the small end to an extensive gathering of family and friends on the larger end.

Destination weddings have many advantages over ceremonies at home.  For one, they create a fun and memorable experience for all involved.  The joint trip, with the couple and friends and family, turns into shared vacation, with many special memories being made in the process.

Additionally, destination weddings can actually end up being more affordable than having a traditional ceremony and honeymoon separately.  Generally a smaller amount of people will be able to make the trip, so the ceremony costs which are associated with the amount of guests (catering, venue, etc) tend to be lower than they would be closer to home. 

Here’s another little money-saving tip – at many resorts in exotic locations such as Nassau, the wedding ceremony and arrangements come free with your and your parties’ reservations at the resort.  Also, since they do weddings there all the time, they have their own dedicated staff  - wedding planners, photographers, videographers, caterers, etc.  The same group of people that work in the same space day after day – they have the system down to a science, and that is another advantage of a destination wedding.

As great as a destination wedding can be, however, it does require some special planning.  The first thing you will want to make sure of is that all the people that are vitally important to you can afford to make the trip to your destination.  Of course, if one of the factors that influenced your decision to plan a destination wedding is that many of the guests would need to fly even if the wedding were at home, then this is less of an issue.

You will also want to carefully plan out well in advance the completion of all the necessary paperwork for getting married in a foreign country, if your destination is outside of the United States.  Don’t forget to get your passport and have all of your guests get their passports well in advance.  With increasingly stringent passport requirements, more people are in need of passports and processing times are becoming longer and longer.  Try to leave 3 months to obtain your passport if possible, so there is room to deal with any emergencies that might arise.

All in all, with the proper planning, a destination wedding offers many advantages over a traditional wedding.  It can be more affordable and easier to plan and give you and your loved ones many special and happy memories that would never have otherwise been created.

Does paying $12,000 for a dress that you’re going to wear just one day make you reconsider your decision to get married? Don’t worry. With a little bit of careful planning and effort, you can find the cheap wedding dress of your dreams. You don’t have to pay an arm and a leg.

There’s no real need to get a traditional poofy white wedding dress. Many other dresses look nice and do not come with a wedding dress’ price tag. Before you spend a lot of money on a wedding dress, take a look at other dresses that come in white. Depending on the theme of your wedding, you may not even need a white dress at all.

The biggest obstacle to getting a cheap wedding dress is the fact that most discount sources are located online and you cannot try the dresses on.  This is incredibly nerve-wracking for most women as trying on wedding dresses is very important. You need to make sure that a particular style looks good on you. Also, wedding dress sizes can vary greatly from the sizes that you are used to buying in the store. You need to have a good idea of what you are looking for.

To do this, visit wedding stores in your area and try on many different dresses. Many stores will not let you take notes because they don’t want you to try to find the dress elsewhere. If there’s a particular dress that you just fall in love with, try to remember the designer. At the very least, by trying on different dresses, you’ll get an idea of what styles you like and what looks good on you.

After you have an idea of what the dress you want is, search online for the lowest price. Some good resources are:

1. www.froogle.com
2. www.ebay.com
3. www.craigslist.org

Not all of the dresses on these sites are used. Many are brand new dresses that you can buy directly from the wholesaler.

Feeling guilty about wasting the time of the people at the wedding dress shop? Once you have a better idea of how cheaply you can get your wedding dress through online sources, you may be able to bargain with them. Let the shop know what the other prices you saw are and tell them that you’d prefer to work with them. They may be able to reduce the price in order to get your business.

The downside of buying your wedding dress online is that you still will probably need to have it altered. Make sure that you find a reputable seamstress in your area. It’s best if you can get recommendations from former brides. Your wedding dress is important and it’s pointless to save money getting it online, only to have a seamstress ruin it.

Just remember, the most important thing about your wedding is that you’re making a promise to be with the man you love forever. The dress that you’re wearing pales in comparison to that.
 

With the rampant spending that’s going on with your wedding planning, do you really need to spend a lot of money on your wedding favors? Even a favor idea that seems cheap when it’s just for one person quickly becomes quite expensive when you multiply it by the number of guests that will attend.

The necessity of wedding favors is one of the most overrated parts of wedding planning.  The fact is, there is nothing wrong with using cheap wedding favors.  Why?

Nobody really cares. Wedding favors are not the detail that makes or breaks a good wedding. People are more likely to remember how beautiful the bride looked or how delicious the food was. Saving money on wedding favors allows you to have more money to spend on the things that really matter to your guests.

They don’t want to take it with them. You may have many guests that are traveling from out of town. These guests do not want to take a bulky wedding favor back home with them. It’s best not to waste your money.

Homemade is better. One way you can save money on wedding favors is by giving your guests something that is homemade. When you give people something that you’ve made yourself, they will appreciate it more because of the time and effort that you put into it.

They don’t have to know. There are many cheap wedding favors that don’t look cheap at all. Look online for some great deals. With a little bit of effort and a little bit of luck, you’ll be able to find a wedding favor that looks much more expensive than it really is. Your guests don’t need to know how much you paid for your favors.

You’ll have more money for food and drink. When you save money on one thing, you can use that money to get something better. Food and drink are usually one of the most memorable parts of a wedding. If you save some money on wedding favors, then you can spend more on these things.

Call me a tight-fisted miser, but I firmly believe that you should use cheap wedding favors.  When planning for my 500-guest wedding, many of the guests really didn’t bother to take the favors home.  When I asked my guests what they remembered most about my wedding, the majority of them remembered the food.  Next was the entertainment.  And lastly, it was the decor.  Many of the guests didn’t even remember what my wedding favor was! This is definately one area of the wedding where it can cost the most.  Therefore, going cheap on your wedding favors can mean big savings.

Theme weddings are becoming increasingly popular, and they can be a fun alternative to a traditional ceremony. As with anything, a hint is better than a shout – in other words, don’t get carried away and overdo it!

TIME PERIOD THEME WEDDINGS – The wonderful thing about this idea is that it’s so unlimited! Any historical period that interests you and your fiance can be made to be the theme of your wedding. Medieval and Renaissance themes are popular, as are Gone with the Wind period themes, Wild West themes, and Victorian Themes. Also, any decade from the early- to mid-twentieth century are going to be popular themes, especially the twenties, the forties, and the fifties.

ASIAN THEME WEDDINGS – With the abundance of accessories available online for Asian theme weddings, my suggestion would be to adopt the “less is more” approach and suggest the essence of an Asian theme by incorporating shoji screens, candleholders, Asian symbols, and subtle fans in the design.

WINTER WONDERLAND THEME WEDDINGS – If your wedding is in the heart of winter, why not celebrate that fact with beautiful sculptures of ice crystals and snowflakes incorporated into the design? Along with white, you can also incorporate gorgeous thick heavy fabrics like velvets in rich, deep colors like burgundy and forest green.

FAIRY TALE PRINCESS THEME WEDDINGS – What little girl hasn’t dreamed of being a fairy tale princess on her wedding day? With a fairy tale princess theme, you can incorporate a castle shaped cake, leaving the church in a horse-drawn carriage, and many other details that will make the day seem like the perfect fairy tale and make you feel like the beautiful princess that you are.

SPORTS THEME WEDDINGS – These are very popular when both members of a couple are passionately devoted to one particular sports team. They range from the simple act of making the team colors the wedding colors to a full theme wedding with a theme cake and favors, etc. to actually arranging to have the ceremony at the ballpark.

FALL THEME WEDDINGS – For a Fall wedding, an autumn theme can be gorgeous. You can express this theme through color choices and the use of big, beautiful, colorful leaves throughout the décor.

GARDEN THEME WEDDINGS – A garden theme wedding is most apt to be held, as you might imagine, in a garden. However, if that is not possible, this theme can be suggested through use of lots of bright flowers and white picket fence decoration in the favors, cake, etc.

GOLDEN AGE OF HOLLYWOOD THEME WEDDINGS – For this theme, you would want to evoke the glamour of Hollywood in the silent films era. You want to be the Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford of your own wedding. You can research period clothing at the library, and the Hollywood sign would make a great idea for a cake or groom’s cake (but remember, it said “Hollywoodland” back then!).

If you are going to have a theme wedding, have fun with it. Make sure it is a theme that feels right for both you and your fiance, and then have a blast choosing accessories that will express your theme!

Save the Date cards are a relatively new innovation in the wedding-planning sequence.  They are a kind of pre-invitation invitation, which just lets people know that they should, as the name implies, save the date!  They are generally mailed out approximately six months in advance of the wedding, and sometimes are only mailed to out of town guests that are going to need to make travel arrangements to attend the wedding.  They are not entirely necessary – but they can be a lot of fun!

Remember, you do not need to include any details except the date in this message – things like location, time, directions, etc. will all come in the official invitation.

Because they are a fairly new innovation, save the dates take all kinds of forms and methods, and there is no real tradition surrounding them.  Here are a few ideas about what people are doing, though, so that you can get some ideas of your own.

MAGNETS – This is the most common kind of save the date, and it is a particularly useful idea, because people can put it right up on their refrigerator where it will be sure to be seen and remembered.  Another fun aspect of this idea is that sheets of magnet paper can be purchased at office supply stores, so you can create the save the dates yourself on your computer to match your theme, and simply print them out and cut them to size!

CARDS – These cards can be as simple as blank cards that have the save the date message handwritten on the inside, or they can be as elaborate as custom-printed postcards with a picture of the couple along with the save the date information adorning the front!

SAVE THE DATES FOR DESTINATION WEDDINGS – You can get particularly creative with these.  Some ideas are cards made to look like boarding passes or passports, or even sending things like a pair of sunglasses or a bottle of sunscreen with the save the date attached as a note.

A PUZZLE – Having your save the date information printed on puzzle pieces is a very cute idea, but make sure the information is on the cover of the box just like a completed picture is on the cover of a real puzzle, because many people will not take the time to put the puzzle together!

CALENDAR – This is an idea that is adorable as well as useful for the recipient.  Have personal-size calendars printed up which have your save the date information on the cover, as well as noted inside on the actual date on the calendar.

LUGGAGE TAGS – If most of your guests are going to need to be traveling, this can be a fun theme for your save the date cards.  You can include three luggage tags – one with the save the date information and two pre-printed with the guests’ names and addresses.

Save the dates are a fun and useful addition to your wedding planning that gives you an opportunity to be creative and lets your guests know well in advance of travel plans they need to make.

A striking image that, in many people’s minds, represents the concept of a groom’s cake is the armadillo creation of Jackson’s aunt in the film Steel Magnolias.  However, a groom’s cake is a tradition that has been around for a very long time, with roots in the south.  Now this southern tradition is undergoing a hip revolution.  Having a groom’s cake is the hot new thing.

First of all, what is a groom’s cake?  A groom’s cake is a cake that is meant to reflect the groom’s passions and interests.  The traditions surrounding groom’s cakes are much more fluid than those surrounding the wedding cake itself, because it’s a much newer tradition outside of the south.

The groom’s cake can be saved until the wedding reception and served as an alternate dessert, but in many cases, it is displayed and served at the rehearsal dinner.  This is a great option, because many times, the groom’s cake is cartoonish and whimsical, so it wouldn’t fit well with a more traditionally-themed wedding.  However, at the more casual rehearsal dinner, it’s perfect.

Another option with a groom’s cake is to have the pieces individually boxed and given to the guests to take with them as favors.  If this is the plan, you will want to have this done by the bakery and display the cake in this way.   Cutting and boxing cake pieces is far more time consuming than you would imagine, and you don’t need that extra pressure on your wedding day, wondering if it will get done in a timely and proper way.

The groom’s cake is generally ordered either as a complete surprise to the groom by the bride herself, or, if the couple has discussed and decided on getting a groom’s cake, then the groom would choose the theme and order it.  It’s rare for the planning of the groom’s cake to be done by the couple together.  The main thing, though, is that – since it is a cake meant to reflect the groom – it should be a theme, colors, and flavors that are favorites of his.

When it comes to the design of the groom’s cake, the groom should brainstorm all of the things in his life that are important to him.  Cakes can be made to resemble pretty much anything nowadays, so don’t be limited in ideas!  Common themes include sports teams, animals, hobbies, professions, and musical interests.  If the groom is a reader, you could have a cake in the shape of a book, for instance.  If he is a video game enthusiast, a cake in the shape of an x-box.  Or if he loves to surf the net, a cake in the shape of a computer or a laptop.

Although many might see the groom’s cake as an unnecessary expense, it can add a fun and lighthearted touch to the wedding.  Also, on a day that is so focused on the bride in other respects, it can serve to highlight the groom and give him some much-deserved attention, as well.

Are you tired of the miniature, faceless bride and groom statuettes that sit atop virtually every wedding cake you’ve seen since you were a kid?  Well, you’re not the only one.  There are lots of alternatives to the classic bride and groom figurine.

OTHER SYMBOLS – There are many cake toppers now that have other symbols aside from the bride and groom.  These include hearts, stars, bells, flowers, and doves.  There are many online wedding supply shops that sell a huge variety of unique cake toppers.  Also, if your wedding has a theme, find online stores that are devoted to that theme and you might be able to find something there.

REAL LIFE OBJECTS – Many times, this will be something that is incorporated with your theme.  For instance, if you are having a fairy tale wedding, it might be a tiara.  If you are having a beach wedding, it might be seashells.  The only limit is your imagination.

PhOTOS IN A FRAME – You can have one or more photos of yourselves, possibly from your engagement shoot, in a frame that matches the theme of the wedding to serve as your cake topper.  This is imaginative and a lovely and useful keepsake for after the wedding.

CUSTOM MADE FIGURINES OF THE COUPLE – I know, I know, we were going to steer clear of figurines, right?  Well, these are different.  At some specialty shops online, if you send them photographs of the two of you, they will sculpt extremely realistic ceramic cake toppers that look exactly like the two of you.  If you can get past the, “Wow, that’s a tiny me, it’s almost a little creepy,” factor – it’s a very cool alternative.

MONOGRAMS – If you want something that reflects your new identity as a couple, but want to steer clear of visual representations of the two of you, you should consider monograms.  They are elegant, classy, and beautiful.  Also, since they are not custom made, they are quick and easy to obtain.

SCROLL WITH INSCRIPTION – At online shops or sometimes even bridal shops, you can buy a blank scroll with a small easel to display it.  Choose a quote that is meaningful to you, either from history or poetry or something you’ve written.  If you don’t have any friends or family that can do fancy script, chances are you can look in the yellow pages for a related service and have them do it for you.

JEWEL-ENCRUSTED TOPPERS – At several online specialty shops, they will craft a topper for you in any shape you wish and then adorn it with sparkling stones.  It’s a very striking look.

ASIAN CHARACTERS – If you have Asian -themed décor, Asian characters are a perfect cake topper.  You can have the typical “double happiness” symbol, which is widely available online, or have a topper constructed for you that is the symbol for any words you like – faith, love, unity, power, prosperity – your imagination is the only limit.

Remember, the cake topper is supposed to be one striking visual representation of you as a couple.  Don’t rest until you find something that feels perfect.